Imagine sitting in your office, a lowly intern, face burning with the shame of just having screwed up massively. Or, possibly (sadly for you), remember that feeling. In that case, there’s really only one thing for you to do: turn to the DC Interns Blog, and revel in the fact that the interns discussed there will have, undoubtedly, done something much more embarrassing than you and, even more encouragingly, not realized it.
The DC Interns Blog, started by an anonymous 20-something who used to work on the Hill, was born out of her email threads with friends sharing stories about summer interns’ mishaps and confusions. Realizing how entertaining their email chain was, she decided to expand it into a full-fledged blog, allowing all residents of DC both to share and enjoy stories of interns wearing body-baring work outfits and holding up entire Metro stops.
The stories are obviously entertaining, but they can also serve as a D.C. Navigation Guide to interns here for the first time. Outlining exactly what not to do, it can help interns avoid situations like those outlined in the posts and, more importantly, help them stay in their bosses’ good graces.
Take, for instance, the awful, embarrassing day of this know-it-all intern:
On a busy Thursday before the big energy bill vote, my interns were taking constituent calls.
Midday, a Democratic Leader calls our office to speak with Representative… My know-it-all intern who is older than most of our staff happened to field this call. She told him ‘I’m sorry I can’t transfer anyone to the Congressman. Office policy. Can I take a message?’ He did not leave a message.
Later in the evening at a delegation dinner at a hill establishment, she is standing out side bragging about how she didn’t know who this Democratic Leader guy was. In her animated recap of the call she is flailing her arms around and elbows a Congressman who had been the White House Luau. She then turns and glares at him for running into her spastic arms.”
Blowing off a Democratic Leader was enough to make her a star, but physically assaulting a Congressman makes her day soar to legendary intern status.
Or learn from this self-important girl who clearly attributed far greater powers to her Hill ID pass than it possesses:
On Tuesday morning, the new batch of interns made their way to the metro for their second big day of awesome responsibility. But this was the first day they could use their Red Badge of Courage to their advantage. Naturally, one female intern couldn’t wait. On the Red Line, she confidently approached the turnstile and swiped her red badge over the SmartTrip reader. When nothing happened, she assumed that the machine was broken, so she moved to the next turnstile, cutting in front of the crowd to do so. When that one also failed to yield for her, she cut in front of the next group of people. Each time, she made an exasperated face, completely at a loss as to why her ID badge wouldn’t overcome any obstacle she encountered, much less a metro turnstile. She made her way down the entire line of machines until she shoved me out of the way in order to try one last time, angrily swiping her intern badge back and forth across the reader to no avail.
Someone suggested that she deserves the benefit of the doubt, being such a neophyte and all. I might be inclined to agree, except the thought process must have gone something like this: “It’s a good thing I got this ID badge from work. They recognize that I’m so important to my office and this city that I get to use my free ID badge from work to ride the metro while all of those other people have to pay!”
So, for any interns reading this, here’s my bit of advice: try to remember that your Scarlet Letter doesn’t have any magical powers, metro or otherwise, and keep it tucked away unless you have to show it.
Noted: avoid hubris at all costs. Figure out the Metro immediately. It is these stories, among others, that serve as cautionary tales to interns on the Hill and off, and, if the advice is heeded, might prevent DC residents (such as the blog founder) from referring to interns as the “Eighth Plague of Egypt.” Well, hopefully.
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